My Son Met His Birth Mother Four Months Ago

It’s been a blessing for both of us

Adoptions have come a long way in the past twenty years or so. There was a time when girls who found themselves in the “family way” were whisked off to “boarding school,” where they would give birth and never see their babies again.

Then they were sent back home, where they were never allowed to speak of their lost child. Many would spend the rest of their lives wondering what could have been.

My heart goes out to them!

Many of those adopted babies would never be told that they were adopted. There was a sense of shame for the adoptive families, who might be embarrassed that they couldn’t have their own children. There was a societal stigma for those children as well. Sometimes they would find out about their adoption when a relative or classmate would say that those aren’t your “real” parents.

Things are changing. DNA kits have exposed a lot of secrets. One adoptee that I know of found out he was adopted after his parents died. He withdrew from the family and refuses to speak to anyone. Not even the sister who didn’t know she was adopted as well.

Adoption agencies no longer require a closed adoption. Many adoptive families are open about their adoption. Meanwhile, lots of those adopted babies have grown up and want to find their biological families.

My husband and I were always open about our son’s adoption. It would have been difficult to hide it even if we wanted to since they are Hispanic and we are not. Once my oldest son asked me why his skin was darker than mine, and I told him it was because he was lucky. Who would want pasty white skin like mine?

Other than a sad few days when my oldest finally realized what adoption meant and cried for his “other” mother, he has been perfectly happy with his circumstances. His adoption is closed, and he gets angry every time I suggest he sign the adoption registry. So I leave him alone.

That was not the case for my younger son. He always wanted to know about his biological parents. I had his mother’s basic information, but I knew her circumstances were not the best when he was born.

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