Hurdling the Hurdles.

I think I have repeated the phrase ‘progress isn’t linear’ many, many, many times, and at no point have I actually ever accepted the fact that progress isn’t linear.

It has been one of those weeks for me. All of a sudden I feel a bit broken — my period is unexpectedly late (and yes, I have done a test), I’ve had some sort of allergic reaction which has caused my skin to go all sensitive and sore, my therapy session this week was a real emotional hammer-blow, and to cap it off, I have TWO mouth ulcers — the ultimate sign of being rundown.

Whenever I’m feeling emotionally and physically overwhelmed, I’m pretty good at taking a step back and assessing why. How have I ended up here? What do I need to do differently in the future? How can I reset my boundaries to make sure I’m giving myself adequate care? What’s puzzling this time is that I can’t really account for why I’ve had this set back. I was Little Miss Consistent all through January. Training was on point, diet was pretty good, sleep was bang-on. I’d say I had the basics under the thumb.And although I’ve been a little more up and down emotionally, at no point has it been some sort of crazy roller coaster ride. January was pretty much the exact opposite of how December panned out, and I was feeling really good by the end of it — I was starting to see results in my running and in the gym, I definitely felt stronger and healthier, and was ready to spring into February. BRING. IT. ON.

Then I had a deload week, then my period never arrived, and then I just sort of gave up, too.

Unsurprisingly, this week has felt very topsy-turvy. I missed a workout, my diet was off (quite drastically so for a couple of days), and my sleep has been a little broken. We are, by default, drawn to linger on the negatives more than anything else. The time I have spent wallowing in self-pity absolutely did not register (read: chose to ignore) that I had completed the three other workouts I was set, I managed a pool swim and a dip in the sea, went on numerous dog walks, managed to catch up on my sleep, and ate a balanced diet the rest of the time. Yet all my brain wants to zone in on is that 48 hour window where everything just sort of fell off the wagon, and I decided just to stare at the mess around me, rather than pick the pieces up off the floor and start to re-build.

As I type this, I realise how mad that sounds. AS IF that 48 hours is going to make a difference in the long run. AS IF it’s going to be the ONE thing that stops me achieving my running goals for the year. Sure, it absolutely could, if I let it. But I’ve already starting to bounce back and resume normal service. Has the week been a write-off? NO. Will I sit and stew on it and think it has been? PROBABLY YES. Could somebody please give me a slap.

The all or nothing approach to fitness and diet has plagued me for years. It’s absolutely one of the worst behaviours our society has taught us. I’ve been actively working to improve my attitudes and responses to this for some time now, and truly I have come on leaps and bounds. But, every so often, I’m faced with a hurdle that really does stop me in my tracks. We need these. That’s how we learn. But it’s uncomfortable and disappointing, and that’s okay, too, because we need to feel those low points to really properly enjoy the successes when they come. And they WILL come. Because if you’re consistent most of the time, you really won’t be waiting all that long ‘til you see them.

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